Those Phrases given by My Dad Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to talk amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."